It's the middle of the night, and I'm far from being tired. I often find myself kept awake by my thoughts. Creativity, it seems, has no OFF button. I sit here, browsing the endless sea of internet blathering, and the ridiculousness that is released from the mouths... rather, the minds by way of the fingertips, of so many who are sharing every aspect of their daily lives with the world.

I'm trying to trick the creative part of my mind into going to sleep... but to no avail. Everytime I stop keeping my mind occupied, I immediately begin to hear that melody again, or think of that great new lyric for the closing song of my musical, or think of the great moment between the two main characters in one of my screenplay's, when they finally realize that they're better together... And the list goes on and on...

I suppose I shouldn't be complaining, and I'm really not... After all I'm told by many on a regular basis how they would give anything to be able to do what I can do. For me, creativity is not a task, or a chore, or even an exercise in "dreaming while awake"... it is simply the way I'm hard wired. 

I used to be afraid to embrace it fully, or even acknowledge it because I didn't want to be written off as one of those self important, egotistical jerks that walk around like they are so much more valuable than everyone else. But I recently realized. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging what I can do, or who I am... because ultimately all of my creativity, and ability for that matter, is a gift anyway... so it's not like I'm taking credit for authoring it. Sure I may have added a little work here and there, spent some time in practice and exercise to refine my skill... but the real 'oomph' that empowers all that I am lies in the gifting, or 'talent' as many prefer to call it. 

I've realized that we are all given talents. Some of our talents are more evident than others. And some of our talents are found in areas that our cultures and respective societies may regard as "more important" than others. But that's all non-sense. The value of any talent is found in its use. And its use can only be truly measured by holding it up against its purpose. And there we find the big problem. The implication here is that we are 'given' our talents for a 'reason.' But that would mean some 'one' is doing the giving, and it's probably the same 'one' who establishes the reasons. 

Don't get me wrong... I'm not claiming to understand all of the how and why... and I'm not trying to tell anyone else what they're 'purpose' is... My talents happen to be in the area of creative art: Music, drama, theatre, film etc... These are the mediums that my talents thrive in. I've written entire musicals in a matter of day's. I've written treatments for feature length films in only hours. I've come up with ideas for how to integrate the film medium with the broadway stage... in ways that not even the Walt Disney Company has tried. But what does it all mean if it has no purpose? What value do these things have to anyone if they don't make some kind of difference?

The hardest thing about being creative all the time, is that without someone to take part in what has been created... it's as if it never was, and it might as well have never been. At the end of the day, I just want what everyone else wants... I want my talents to matter. I want them to not have been wasted. I want people's lives to be better because they came across something that I've created. If that's not how it's supposed to be... than what's the point of the creativity. I refuse to think it's just for me. I will not accept that it's just for the sake of my own self approval or worth.

Some of us are given a little bit of extra to work with. I believe that makes us more responsible to make a difference. That's what I'm trying to do. And if the cost for my extra is that I can't shut it off... I guess that's ok. I suppose its better than not having it to turn on... of course, I'll never 'really' know.